Total Kaos Blog

We've Moved!!!

2007-03-14T06:13:00.000-07:00

Our new web site is Total Kaos Radio. Click on the link and you'll be transported there.

The Committee for Global Progress

2006-08-04T18:04:00.000-07:00

Apparently they are meeting this weekend in Brussels...updates as they come in.

Sunday 7-16-06

2006-07-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

Articles from today’s show:
http://beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html
http://www.susancanthony.com/aboutSusan/evolution.html
http://www.heritage.org/Research/Welfare/BG1713es.cfm
http://www.house.gov/apps/list/press/ed31_democrats/rel41306.html
Sorry about the echo, but we will get it fixed.
Thanks to Pete and our caller from New York for adding to the show.
And if you hate Kender as much as we do, please let us know and don't be afraid to call and tell us.

Reminder

2006-07-15T10:41:00.000-07:00

Remember, we're on tomorrow (Sunday) from 7-10 AM CST. Just click on the 'Listen Live' microphone on the right hand side.
Don't miss it, we know where you live.

Whoo Friggin' Hoo

2006-07-11T17:24:00.000-07:00

Let’s keep our fingers crossed, but it looks like tomorrow is the big day. Or big night, whatever.
Wednesday @ 8:00 PM CST all order will be destroyed and Total Kaos shall finally ensue. Listen and enjoy...we know where you live.
Just click on the microphone on the right side and the rest is magic. Internet radio magic.

Total Kaos - Engage

2006-07-09T17:50:00.000-07:00

Wide Awakes Radio now has a Total Kaos podcast available for your listening and or downloading pleasure, www.wideawakesradio.com or just click here.

Please check it out and let us know what you think.

Thanks

You Should Be Ashamed of Yourself

2006-07-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

It has recently come to my attention that some depraved, vile, subhuman has made an unprovoked and vicious threat against my wife’s dear Welsh Corgi.
This is beyond the pall.
If this is some sick attempt at humor, I just don’t get it. And if it is not, I cannot put into words how disgusted and disappointed I am at what has unfortunately now become common public discourse.
The amount of mental anguish my wife feels(and thus I as well, thank you very much) from this sick attempt at intimidation cannot be overestimated. She is quite simply inconsolable. The fear she endures for the life of her fluffy little ankle humper has consumed nearly every aspect of her daily life.
It has gotten so bad, she no longer allows him out of her line of sight. The scruffy, drooling, butt sniffer must now go everywhere that we do.
How would I describe the embarrassment one might feel when said mangy, matted, poor excuse for a canine should decide to empty its bowels in the middle of the busy, Sunday afternoon, parking lot of the neighborhood Bed, Bath and Beyond? Let’s just say, I’d rather not.
So let me state this in no uncertain terms. If any of you self styled canine hit men actually have the courage of your convictions, just know that our charming little Mr. Peepers will not (I repeat, will not) be at the park at the corner of Pine and Main at 8:00 AM on Tuesday wearing a cute red collar around his neck and a pink bow on the tip of his tail.

Update

2006-07-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

Wow.
First the good news...The W.A.R. traffic on the 4th was astounding. Way past what was expected.
And now the bad...Because of the amount of traffic we crashed the server. Doh! Oh boy, more good news...Kender and Co. have assured us that with our new servers(to be installed Friday), it will be smooth sailing from there on out.
Uh oh, stupid bad news...This means Total Kaos with Dave and Glen will not begin on Thursday as was previously stated.
Whoo Hoo, good news abounds...Looks like it’s Sunday for the virgin voyage. We will keep you up to date.

Total Kaos is on the Air

2006-07-04T07:50:00.000-07:00

Yes, my friends, the day is here at last.
Wide Awakes Radio begins broadcasting this July 4th.
The greatest coalition of Conservative bloggers the net has ever known are about to invade your sound card.
Al Gore may have invented the internet, but the ‘inconvenient truth’ is we’ll be making it relevant.
You can go to http://www.wideawakesradio.com/ to check out the schedule or simply click on the microphone on the right side of the blog to listen now.
Our show, Total Kaos with Dave and Glen airs on Thursdays from 5-7 PM CST and Sundays 7-10 AM CST. Don’t miss it, our wives need a new pair of shoes.

We're Coming for the Children

2006-07-04T05:09:00.000-07:00

Text from rant on Wide Awakes Radio:
Let me begin by offering my thanks and appreciation to all the American soldiers through all the generations whose heroism, honor, and sacrifice have allowed me and every other American to live in the freest most affluent country ever to grace the face of the Earth.
Greater men than Dave and I have paid the ultimate price in order that I may sit here and rant at this microphone.
So in their honor, I will do that now.
When the idea of Wide Awakes Radio first came about, I have to say I was not just slightly excited. But as the start up neared and the reality set in, a thought began to haunt my conscious mind.
‘Why do I do this? Why do I fight this conservative fight?’ I am sure this is not a thought particular to my mind alone. I would imagine that most who have endured the scars of the battle have had this thought cross their minds now and then.
So what is the answer? Why do we fight?
I think I know why.
It is to protect Conservative ideas and values from extinction.
You see, Liberal ideas, opinions, and policies are everywhere. They permeate our culture, our news, our media, our education system. One could no more hide from Liberal propaganda than one could evade the passing of time.
Is this up for argument?
Try these...
Gay marriage. Abortion on demand. America is the real terrorist. Capitalism is evil, as are the rich. Taxes are good. Men are obsolete patriarchal beasts. Ah, but men and women are exactly the same. Religion is superstition and Christians are more morally repugnant that Islamic zealots. The appeasement of evil. Rationalization of evil. Denial of evil. Yet Bush is evil. Competition is bad for humans. Girls should be as sexual as boys. Shame has no place in a modern society. Need I go on?
It is much harder to find Conservative ideas. To find them, one must actually have to go in search of them or simply fall into to them by mere chance.
This is why I fight. To keep Conservative ideas alive. To get them out into the void. To be a voice for the individual. For the America that was.
Liberals often attempt protect their ideas by shielding them in pseudo-moralism. ‘It’s to protect the environment.’, ‘It is not fair that some have so much while others, so little’, and of course ‘It’s for the children’.
Now there’s one Dave and I love...’It’s for the children.’ Higher taxes...for the children. Lawsuits against KFC...for the children. Fanatic ranting on Global Warming, demanding that government step in, take our SUV’s, and make each of live in mud huts and eat tofu...for the children.
Well, let me tell you right here and now, we at Total Kaos will have none of it! Children have grown into adulthood just fine for the last couple hundred thousand years and I am pretty sure that even without the help of Leftist zealots they will do so for a couple hundred thousand more.
All the while, the news media will chant disaster. The academics will crow unfairness. Hollywood will preach America bad and religion corrupt. And mindless socialist wackos will prophesy the end of the world brought on by capitalist greed and abundance.
But we will be here. Staid and solid. Stoic and selfless. A bit askew and simply off the wall. Aiming our Conservative spin and ironic take on Liberal inanity at the very heart of the Leftist hope for the future. You see, we are going after the demographic they so moralistically profess to protect. The young. Those with yet malleable minds. The young, whose thought processes we at Total Kaos can bend, shape, and reroute into the next generation of Conservative zealots.
So consider this a shot across the bow. Consider this fair warning. Your Liberal monopoly is over. We’re Total Kaos. And we’re coming for the children.

Total Kaos is on the Air

2006-07-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

From the Order of WAR comes Total Kaos

2006-07-02T16:31:00.000-07:00

WAR is coming to the internet. Wide Awakes Radio is about to start this July 4, 2006. Yours truly, Dave and Glen, will host Total Kaos, Thursday evenings 5-7pm central time and Sunday mornings 7-10am central.

Tune in and no one will get hurt, even Glen's dog. For all the entertainment news, the on-air roster, show times, and other pertinent information, please go to wideawakesradio.com.

If you're a liberal, we really, really, really want you to call in.

It's for the children.

Dave

My Dark Secret

2006-06-09T04:41:00.000-07:00

At long last, the moment has finally arrived. The moment I have been dreading for some time now. So with no small amount of trepidation, I step to the plate and state boldly that I have a secret. A dark truth, that until now I felt better lay hidden and repressed than be allowed into the bright light of day.
But I must first thank my Liberal brothers without whom I would still surely have lacked the courage of my convictions. It is with their sometimes nuanced, often explicit rebuttals to the Defense of Marriage Act that I have been spurred forward to this my ultimate confession.
First, however, a little background.
My secret life began, oddly enough, while wondering the wilds of my own back yard. A dead burning bush and my obsessive drive for its removal were to signal the beginning of my path to redemption.
As an amateur in the study of horticultural extraction, I felt no apprehension in asking for aid from my brother in suburban sprawl: Dick, my neighbor to the West. I should have known better.
After having revealed my need for advise as to the proper removal and disposal of aforementioned tree, Dick had only this to say.
“I know an angel who does that kinda stuff.”
Well, isn’t that something, I thought. An angel, eh? I’d never been one to believe in such things. Angels and devils, imps and orcs, yetis and X-Men; but hell, I needed the help. What could it hurt?
Dick handed me a business card. On it in New Times Roman font size 16, was a phone number, an address, and the name Angel Rodriguez-Landscaper Extra Ordinaire.
Wow, a real angel. And the answer to all my landscaping prayers!
Seconds ticked on like days as I said my goodbyes and raced home to place the mystical call.
As luck would have it, Angel Rodriguez was in. He listened intently to my predicament and with the wisdom of a true sage, explained the process and etiquette of proper tree/shrub removal.
With appropriate deference I ended the call. A quick stop in the garage for a shovel and I was off to my blessed chore.
It was while digging up roots that my life changed forever. You see, the Angel Rodriguez had told me just how and where on the tree to dig. And it was right there I found the two golden tablets. And right then I became a Mormon.
A Mormon and yet more. An avowed polygamist. My dark secret now plainly revealed.
And this is where my Liberal brethren come in. Their antagonism to the historic meaning of marriage as between one man and one woman warms the cockles of my patriarchal heart.
Words cannot convey the connection I felt with Mr. Kennedy when he boldly spoke the following words, “A vote for this amendment is a vote for bigotry, pure and simple.” How true, Teddy, how very true. I make a promise to you here and in front of the entire world...I will name my third son from my fifth wife Edward, after you Teddy my pluralist brother.And Joe Solomnese, President of the Human Rights Campaign, surely had my doctrine in mind when he stated, “Make no mistake about it, the debate happening on the floor of the United States Senate today is whether we are going to undermine our Constitution and deny rights to millions of Americans by singling them out for discrimination.” Ah, my friend Joe, you understand me and my kind so very well. Our love for multiple partners should never be undermined or denied by the petty whim of the democratic process. And even though I may have a tad trouble myself discriminating from wife to wife, I must never be discriminated against by the likes of those prudish Republican bible thumpers.
Speaking of Republicans, I would be amiss to not to give a shout out to Senator John McCain and his wise words regarding this divisive amendment, “Most Americans are not yet convinced that their elected representatives or the judiciary are likely to expand decisively the definition of marriage to include same-sex couples.” Just between us John, I won’t tell them about the judges in Massachusetts if you keep quiet about my friends in Utah.
I am sure there are those reading this rant who are somewhat angry with the author’s analogy of polygamy with same sex marriage. Well, too damn(apologies to Joseph Smith)bad. Every, and I do mean every, argument for same sex marriage works equally well for multi-marriage. John’s abiding love for Tim is no more important to society than mine for Susan, Ruth, Tabitha, Beth, Rosalyn, Samantha, Cheryl, and Connie. As much as one believes government should stay out of Rose and Brittany’s bedroom, it should stay out of my five bedrooms, as well. How does my love of women, and I do mean women, threaten any other persons marriage? And isn’t divorce more a threat to the standard definition of marriage than are my multiple loving partners? Anyway, is it not my civil right to marry whomever, or whomevers, I should love? If it is bigoted and divisive to deny one the right to marry another of the same sex, why is it not equally bigoted and divisive to limit marriage to the arbitrary number of two?
But in truth, I am not a selfish man. I am filled with empathy. And it is the future for which I truly fight. A future when my numerous brood will have the right to marry whomever and how many ever creatures they shall deem fit. A beautiful utopia full of love and freedom. Just one really, really, BIG happy family.

Crossposted @ Sticks and Stones and The Wide Awakes

And We Have A WINNER!

2006-05-21T05:51:00.000-07:00

We have a winner in the "Most Stupid People" category.

After waiting anxiously for months, we would like to congratulate the city of New Orleans for earning the "Most Stupid People" award. New Orleans just RE-elected Ray Nagin to be their mayor. This is the same man that refused to issue an evacuation to the residents of New Orleans as the hurricane Katrina slammed into it. This is the same man who refused to help people out of the city with the use of buses (who could soon forget the fantastically hilarious picture of hundreds of buses underwater?). This is the same man who refused to initiate the evacuation plan...oh wait..he really didn't have one. Perhaps this is what put him over the top for the voters? this is the same man who claimed racism at every turn. Again, congrats to the unbelievably stupid people of New Orleans...well done!

Coming in second, with a strong showing (remember, it came in fourth (just out of the money) for the last three years), the people of the state of Illinois. Nicely done Illinoisans. Illinois boasts of electing three of the most flaming idiodic liberals from which one could possibly choose: Barak Obama, Dick (The dick) Durbin, and Richard Daley (granted, Daley is only the mayor of Chicago, but that's where most of the liberals live). Second place recipients will receive the incompetent political representation which they deserve, nice job.

Coming in third, perennial winner of this category, BUT NOT THIS YEAR, the people of the state of Massachusetts. WOW, What a drop! Massachusetts can usually brag about the MOST incompetent blowhards in the U.S. Congress, Ted (My God, I'm not sober, am I?) Kennedy and John (Ready for Duty except in a time of War) Kerry. Who would have ever thought that the people that elect these two to congress year after year would ever be dethroned?

We would like to congtatulate all entrants, good job, and please, keep being stupid.

Somewhere in Rural England...

2006-05-20T04:48:00.000-07:00

Mrs. SR: Oh honey, you look so dour. It must surely be bad news.
SR: It is good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Mrs. SR: Of course, the bad news. We have had so much bad news, it is now almost like a warm blanket to me.
SR: You are too funny, but the bad news it is most...
Mrs. SR: They did not buy the rights, did they?
SR: No they did not.
Mrs. SR: But why? Every single American studio...why?
SR: They have their reasons.
Mrs. SR: But your book, it was a worldwide best seller. What can be their reasons?
SR: They say it will not sell. They say religion is a taboo subject. It is untouchable.
Mrs. SR: But that is a lie. What of “The Da Vinci Code”, “The Last Temptation of Christ”, “Jesus Christ Superstar”?
SR: That is different, they say.
Mrs. SR: How? How is it different?
SR: They say they can find no actors, no directors, no producers who even want a part of it.
Mrs. SR: Hogwash! With all the heroes in Hollywood?!?
SR: Woman, you slay me. But that is what they say. And they say even if the movie could be made, no theater would show it.
Mrs. SR: Maybe in Denmark...
SR: Nowhere. And they say if the movie were to be made and a theater were to show it, no newspapers would advertise it. No critics would review it.
Mrs. SR: Cowards! Cowards and hypocrites!
SR: Woman, do not be so harsh. It is only business, they say. They assure me that if they thought it would sell, they would pay top dollar.
Mrs. SR: Sometimes your naivete gets annoying. “The Satanic Verses” was a worldwide bestseller, Salman. They lie to you.
SR: Yes, I know. I know.
Mrs. SR: But you said you have some good news, let us hear it then.
SR: Ah, yes. Sony has agreed to buy the rights to my next book for ten million American dollars..
Mrs. SR: That is great news. What was the title again?
SR: “John the Baptist: Jesus on the Down Low”.

Crossposted @ Sticks and Stones

Update

2006-05-16T16:40:00.000-07:00

Great news. Looks like we got our bumper music for the show.
No thanks to Dave, who has spent the last 2 weeks in bitter negotiations with surviving members of the boy band Menudo. Things were going well until Dave began to chant, “No se puede!”
However, a local metal band, Broken Vegas, has stepped up and tentatively agreed to our request to use their music.
Check out their web-site here, listen to some of their stuff, and don’t be afraid to burn up that credit card!

In the News

2006-05-13T18:17:00.000-07:00

I did not want to be the one to go public with this, but a North Carolina district attorney has come forward with DNA evidence claiming Dave has been indicted on a charge of sexual misconduct with a hermaphrodite transsexual she-male altar boy pole-dancer.
We here at the Total Kaos Blog, refuse to believe our fellow blogger/show host would ever stoop to the level of sexual predation of pre-pubescent, brass pole straddling, pseudo-female Catholic priest quarry; although he has been known to frequent a off-color bar known as “The Sanctuary’.
Dave has denied any indiscretion, claiming his prescription to Ambien may have caused him to sleep-molest.
“I don’t remember feeling little Jim up, if that’s what your asking.” He replied to this reporter’s queries as to his reported queerness. “Sure it could have happened, but what happens in a Vegas trailer, stays in a Vegas trailer.”
So after scrubbing my ears and brain with a coarse triple-action Brillo Pad, I felt it was the responsibility of this host to bring this unfortunate story to light. And ask of my fellow voice in net radio to get the help he so obviously is in need of.
I am well aware of the internal struggle that must be waging within your pea sized brain, so let me step forward and help you begin the healing...
“My name is Dave and I am attracted to young, tight, Christian, he-shes....”

Hide the Women and Children

2006-05-07T05:53:00.000-07:00

Well my friends, it seems to be here at last.
Total Kaos with Glen and Dave @ WideAwakesRadio is a less than 2 months away.
Can it be true that our fearless leader, Kender, has actually set the date of July 4th for the audio onslaught to begin? What the heck am I asking you for? The answer is YES!
We were offered and promptly accepted the coveted 3:08 to 3:23 AM ‘last call’ drive slot. Take that Illegals! See, Dave and Glen will take jobs no other Americans would. And for half the price, as well. Hell, just paint us brown and give us a weed whacker and we’ll march on City Hall.
The decision was not without some tumultuous rumblings, coming from Cracker of course. It seems that ovarian cyst just won’t respond to treatment. But after much discussion, brow beating, half a fifth of Thunderbird, and the promise of a grande chicken quesadilla, Dave finally acquiesced.
I simply defined for him our prime demographic. The much sought after 21-32 year old male with 2 DUIs, a GED, NASCAR bumper stickers(on the paint, not the chrome) on their ‘83 Firebirds, and a hydroponic lab in their mother’s basement.
So keep stopping in for updates on times, dates, and Dave’s ‘condition’.

The Fountain of Wisdom That is Cracker

2006-05-03T15:44:00.000-07:00

I love quotes, always have. I search for them. Collect them. Keep them in special places. Use them when they fit the conversation or circumstance.
I am sure many of you are the same. There is an allure, it seems, to those potent words of wisdom left to we mere mortals by the great vast minds of the past.
Minds such as Churchill, Aristotle, Lincoln, and Einstein.
And, my friends, I am here to tell you we are today witness to another such monumental intellect. A mind so grand and immeasurable that we of finite gray matter can only stand like apes, mouths open and agape, in awe at the grandeur of one with such mental calisthenics.
I speak here, of course, of our friend Cracker (sorry, bet you thought I was working towards Ted Kennedy).
Yes, you read it right, Cracker.
With the recent remarkable National Geographics survey having again shone light on the ignorance that is daily spawned in our government schools, it is at least somewhat reassuring to know that we here at The Wide Awakes have among us one of such magnificent and unfathomable brain power. A true mental giant.
His splendiferous thought processes so tread in the realm of unworldly definition as to push my poor WordPerfect thesaurus into the furthest reaches of its vast abilities.
He is a God. Omniscient and surely omnipotent. Uncountable neurons firing infinite axons, building thoughts of such depth and breadth no universe could contain their utter profound substance.
And with that in mind, I give you this from Cracker the sage.

“It’s not always smart to make something smarter than yourself.”

Oh my God, I am on my knees in awe.
Even now, hours after having received the gifts of his vast mental prowess I feel like a gnat on the shoulder of a god.
Thank you, Cracker, for the words now destined to grace my headstone. Thank you, Cracker, thank you.

More Media Distortion

2006-04-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

I have little to no respect for what passes as journalism and media in this country. Even with that in mind, every day it seems, I am shown how much I obviously overestimate their honor, intelligence, truthfulness, and diligence.
Rush calls them the ‘Drive-by Media’.
But I think things are worse even than that. Most so called journalist are painfully under educated as to the substance of the stories they cover. But worse still are those whose ideology blurs the lines of ethics and infects their work with wink-wink half truths or even outright lies.
Today in The Chicago Sun-Times
was the perfect example of the latter.
Zay Smith, an obvious Leftist and ‘writer’ of the QT section, crossed the line from ideological opinion into downright deception with this line...

Capitol gains
News Item: Vice President Dick Cheney receives $1.9 million tax refund.

Is the statement true? Well, yes it is.
But does it tell the whole story? Or is it made merely to anger those who hate Mr. Cheney and believe the rich love nothing more than to cheat on their taxes?Does it give all the facts? Or is it simply another Bush hater using his to pulpit smear the administration through distortion and half-truths?
Here is the rest of the story from The Wichita Eagle,
a newspaper a tad more interested in telling the whole truth.

The Cheneys reported adjusted gross income of nearly $8.82 million.
The Cheneys donated about $6.87 million to charity from stock options and royalties earned on Lynne Cheney's books.
After subtracting the charitable contributions, the Cheneys' income was $1.95 million on which they owed $529,636 in taxes, according to a statement released by Cheney's office.
Since the Cheneys paid $2.46 million in withholding and estimated taxes over the year, they were entitled to a refund of about $1.93 million.

So, was Mr. Smith’s one-liner the work of an ethical journalist interested in uncovering the truth?
You can be the judge.
And then e-mail Mr. Smith at qt@suntimes.com and let him know what you think of the honor and integrity he so obviously feels for and instills in his so called ‘work’.

Crossposted @ Sticks and Stones

Glen

2006-04-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

Glen, you're an idiot! Please picture me pointing my non-manicured finger at you while I say it. You claim to be me, yet your post has you, Glen, the gregarious gay man with the one-testicle dog named Mr. Peepers, as the writer.

It is obvious our fan(s) know you wrote that last post, and it is quite the eye opener, not for whom you CLAIMED it was for and by, but for the utter transparency of the lonely call for help and acceptance by and for your gay self.

Cry all you want, it is falling on deaf ears, for no one wants to hear the insane and inane ramblings of a 43 year old queer that lives in his mom's basement playing pong and listening to Mac Davis records while viewing his Farrah Fawcett and Liberace posters one-handed.

You sit there, with your neatly coiffed and colored hair, surrounded by shag carpeting, black lights, and a hooka wondering what went wrong. Perhaps your lapels are too big on that light blue tuxedo you've owned since 1973, but who really knows?

I guess you're still humming that Village People song you started singing this morning in the car. I, on the other hand, am hearing "The Girl from Ipanema" in my head, so just keep flapping your lips...or fingers...or whatever it is you flap because I'm not listening....ASS!

I'm Here, I'm Dave, Get Used to It

2006-04-10T17:10:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of you have been waiting for this with baited breath, so I won’t make you wait a moment longer. I, Dave, of Total Kaos on Wide Awakes Radio will give you some insight as to my personal life, good looks, and interests.
I have lived too long in the closet and am choosing this moment and this avenue to take a little peek through the crack in the door.
I like poodles, they’re just darling. And I admire curtains that so match the carpet. I like long walks on a warm Sunday morning with that special someone.
And facials. Lots of facials.
I have an HO scale train set which I spend literally hours tinkering with in my basement. I just love painting all the sets and stations and cute little people. I just shut the basement door and go to town. Choo choo!
And I love bathes. Hot, steamy hour long bathes. Just me, a crisp Pinot Grigio, and my Loofah exfoliating the night away! Just precious.
I am so into The View. If I know I am going to miss it, I make sure I call up Sven and have him TiVo it for me. That Star Jones Reynolds is just a pip. And her skin is so radiant!
But other than that I’m pretty much like everybody else. Just your average Joe six-pack. Sure a little uncomfortable in my skin, but muddling ahead and trying to love myself. Just a regular old guy working my way through the day on caffeine, nicotine, and OxiContin.
So that’s enough about me, why not comment and tell me a little bit about yourselves.

And a Few More Things

2006-04-04T17:34:00.000-07:00

Yes, most everything Dave wrote in the last post is true. But even a broken clock is right twice a day.
So lets get to the nuts and bolts here. Basically, what you can expect will be two middle aged white guys with over-inflated views of themselves having a good time at the expense of their listeners and society in general.
We have little patience, and even less pity, for Leftists and Socialists. So Marxists and PETA members enter at your own risk. Feminists bug us. As do entitlement whores and anti-business jag bags. We detest Americans who hate the very country that allows them to be pompous wise asses. We despise those who think their freedom of speech somehow means freedom from repercussions. Our hatred for self induced stupidity knows no bounds. Oh yeah, and we don’t like circus clowns. Or chihuahuas. They are merely overgrown rats whose only use should be to tune up a good wood chipper.
And as far as your previous attack on my heterosexuality, Dave, let’s just remember that Mr. Acorah stained blue dress hanging in your ‘closet’. What was it you said to Derrick, your very own Discovery Channel addiction? Wasn’t it “I wish I knew how to quit you.”? Ah, but enough about your ghoulish long distance romance.
Let’s talk about me.
A little known fact is that I write all of Dave’s lines. The funny ones, anyway. OK, so I wrote two of his lines. In five years.
But he is smarter than I am. He is an ‘MBA’ after all...did I spell that right? Expect him to bring up intelligent articulate discussion and for me to destroy it with bad puns and obscure references. He will then sigh and moan and I will laugh like a stoned school girl.
Apparently Kender has decided our show will be a mere two hours long. The bastard...F’n Kender. I think it would have been longer had Dave not insulted ‘his majesty’ with a song questioning his manhood. So at the hour and fifty nine minute mark, when you’re rolling on the floor laughing and begging for more, just remember it’s Professor Dave’s fault that he brought you to the edge and left you hanging. If it were up to me you’d all be gettin’ happy endings.

A Few Things about Total Kaos

2006-04-03T18:10:00.000-07:00

Since Glen is obviously consumed by an alcoholic induced haze, I, Dave (the star of the show) will give you some idea of what is in our show, Total Kaos.

News, Politics, Sports, Opinions, Outdoorsmen section to name a few. Movie reviews of movies we've never seen is a crowd favorite, especially our rating system. We will also review books, however, we actually have to read the book. Blogs and websites we like and hate (Air America is one of my favorites, along with Truthout.org). Glen likes those blogs dealing with men, interior design, and makeovers. You will gain invaluable financial insights during our segment on financial advice from homeless people. Conspiracies and ghost hunting will also be explored.

Of course lots and lots of things will go wrong on our show, and of course we, like liberals, will take no responsibility for anything, so we will be blaming Kender for anything and everything that does go wrong.

We will have many more interesting things going on. Sure, some may say we're just wasting time and space, but what the hell, it's our show. In fact, we already have a best of bit called "Glen and Mr. Peepers his one-testicle dog." I laugh through the whole thing, please forgive me.

Please stay tuned for more posts and Total Kaos updates.

Racism vs the Law

2006-04-03T14:31:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of people want to claim racism when discussing the immigation issue. However, the fact is, most Americans do not have a problem with LEGAL immigrants; it's the ILLEGAL ones stupid. These people are breaking the law. I don't care if they're hardworking, down on their luck, trying to find a better life for their kids...DON'T CARE! Of course they are, just like the immigration surge in the early 1900's, only those people went about it LEGALLY. My wife's grandmother was even given a different name by the immigration officials. The point is, they did it legally.

Bush is wrong to say these people do jobs Americans won't do. Americans don't have to do those jobs because welfare PAYS MORE. Let's see...work for low wages...or sit on my fat ass, do nothing, and collect a government check...hmmm...I think I'll try the latter. Can I use my Link card at McDonalds?

Get rid of the welfare state, close the borders, and those wages of those jobs will go up. It's simple supply and demand economics.

Register the illegals. Eliminate all rights and privileges to all illegals including health care and education until they get registered. Springer had the balls to say today that he thought most illegals were having deductions taken from their paychecks...time to check reality Jerry.

Racism has nothing to do with this issue; it's a legal issue. I wonder if I can get out of a speeding ticket by claiming I was pulled over because I'm extremely white, so the cop knows I have a driver's license and one social security card and insurance and that I'll go to court and pay the fines. IT'S NOT FAIR!

1st Show is in the Can

2006-03-25T16:27:00.000-08:00

Our first show has been sent off to Kender.
We are absolutely sure he will appreciate it for the classic comedic exercise that it most assuredly is. Unless, of course, he realizes that Dave is bringing the show down and must be left for dead at the side of the web radio road. Well, if that is the case then what is a guy to do but cut his losses?
You still have that whole consulting thing working for you, don’t you Dave? Of course you do. Kids gotta eat after all.
On the plus side though Cracker, while I suffer huge solo web radio success I’ll definitely keep an eye out for a decent bridge for you and your family’s future Amish residence. That’s just the kind of guy I am.
Seriously though, for both of our listeners, stuff is actually happening and it shouldn’t be too long now. Patience, after all, is a virtue. So just relax you spaz, you got a problem with virtue?

Is There Anybody Out There

2006-03-22T17:07:00.000-08:00

Total Kaos on Wide Awakes Radio will be up and runnig soon. Keep an eye, and better yet an ear, open for it!